Waisting Time

Dear Miss Manners,

Recently you did dieters a great disservice, in my humble and inexpert opinion.  Because, while I am not an expert in anything relating to manners (and can commonly be found with my elbows resting on the table), I do unfortunately have a significant amount of experience with dieting and food issues, much as I wish my areas of expertise were reversed:(

You published a letter from a reader who wondered if it was rude for a hostess to not partake of dessert after serving it to guests.  She shared that she has experienced this twice recently and that “both women are thin and have no dietary issues.”

Your response to her query was to wonder why the hostess would feed that dessert to her guests if she doesn’t care for it herself.  You concluded that you would be “nervous about digging into a dish that is not touched by [the] hostess.”

Well, I have a bone to pick with you.  (Bad food pun intended.)

My rebuttal has three key courses points.

The appetizer:  How does anyone, you and your reader included, know that another person does or doesn’t have any “dietary issues.”  I’m outwardly very “normal” looking but if you read my blog it will become clear that inside I most assuredly am not.  But I don’t share my issues with people in my real life and certainly don’t make them the subject of dinner conversation.  Also, many people who have food allergies or sensitivities that they similarly don’t publicize.  And I even have a relative who suffered from a strange case of poisoning that meant she had to carefully avoid ingesting certain often-used food ingredients. “Dietary issues” of all kinds are extremely common and often kept private.  And what business is it of ours, anyways?

The entrée:  As to your wondering why the hostess may have intentionally chosen to serve a dessert that she herself didn’t care for…  Imagine for just a moment that she does have dietary issues.  Imagine that her issue is that she is sensitive to sugar in all forms.  Or, that she is actually a food addict who has learned to control her eating by abstaining from sweets.  She might have very consciously chosen to serve a dessert that she doesn’t find personally appealing so that she isn’t tempted to partake.  Rather than attempt to doctor a recipe to fit her own specific needs, she might instead be choosing to put the taste buds of her guests first, going with a tried and true tasty treat.  Imagine that!

The hotly disputed dessert:  Why is it even an issue what she ate?  Or didn’t eat?  Just because I don’t want dessert, should I make my dinner companions also refrain from a sweet ending to their meal?  Must I only serve things in my home that I myself plan to ingest?  If so, I’d never again graciously offer up a drink of soda or wine or even coffee, for example.

If I serve you a beverage in my home and don’t partake, would it raise eyebrows or make you wonder if I’d added some spit or arsenic?  Me thinks not.

There are many reasons why someone might choose not to eat a dessert she is serving.  Or any other food/beverage on her menu.  For example, maybe she is one who actually only eats when she is hungry and stops when she is full.  While I appreciate that a hostess should aspire to make her guests comfortable, must she make herself physically uncomfortable to avoid what might or might not be going on in their heads?  Maybe she has eating issues that are not obvious to others.  Should she forego her own healthy habits or needs to do something she doesn’t want to do all in the name of gracious hosting?

Where do we draw the line?  Do I offer nothing that I do not intend to partake of myself?  I don’t eat bread with my meals.  Should I never serve bread again?  I don’t put ketchup on my hot dogs.  Should my guests be limited to spicy brown mustard?

And, as a hostess, shouldn’t I have the right to say “no” as much as my guests do?  With no reason given?  And no judgement?  And no commentary?

I think you not only missed the gravy boat on this one, Miss Manners, but set back dieters a pound or two or three.  Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who has never personally struggled with weight or food issues, who has no food allergies or sensitivities, and who actually likes the taste of every food ever offered.  I’m envious.  And I’m not inviting you to dinner any time soon.

Readers – I’d love to know what YOU think!  If you’d like to read the column in its entirely, you can do so here.

Photo credit [Ann Douglas]

I’ve been tagged!  Flashback to childhood when we played tag for hours on the front lawn.  Freeze Tag.  TV Tag.  Do kids even do that anymore?  But, I digress.  Thanks to Rochelle for tagging me:)

Here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. you must post 11 random things yourself.
3. answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. go to their blog and tell them that you’ve tagged them.
6. no stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ blah blah blah; you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 peeps!

Eleven random things about me:

1. I won’t ever bungee jump.  Or sky dive.  Not a fan of risk or heights.
2. I haven’t worked since becoming a stay-at-home mom just over 14 years ago.  But I’m thinking maybe it’s time to get a job.  Maybe.  But I have no idea what I’d want to do.
3. If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life I’d probably choose pizza since it’s so versatile.  This week: another attempt at cauliflower pizza.
4. I don’t like when people stereotype about redheads having fiery tempers.  WE DO NOT!!!
5. I’ve probably had more Starbuck’s skinny decaf lattes in the last two weeks than in the previous six months combined.  At home I never drink coffee.
6. I use two computer monitors.  One always has my email open.  I use lots of open tabs and often multiple open windows.
7. The last time I had to rent a car for a trip, I checked back often and cancelled/re-reserved it four times before I left, for a total savings of over $100.  Over-planning meets frugality.
8. I hate swallowing pills.  I’m gagging just typing about it.
9. I chew a different flavor/brand of gum in the car than I do at home.  I don’t chew any in public.
10. I prefer to eat my apples at room temperature and sliced into thin pieces.
11. I’d like to try kettlebells.  If they ever offer a class near me I am SO going!

 

Here are the questions from Rochelle that I need to answer:

1.  What would the opening line of your autobiography say?  “This is a boring story.”

2.  What is your favorite alcoholic beverage – or non-alcoholic if you don’t imbibe?  I rarely drink alcohol since I don’t love the taste and prefer to eat my calories.  But every so often when we are out with friends I get a fru-fru flavored martini.

3.   What is one thing that you would never want to change about yourself?  The unconditional love I have for my boys.

4.   What is the one characteristic about other people that you simply cannot tolerate?  Dishonesty.

5.  Name a time when you felt extremely proud of yourself.  I think during graduate school.  There were lots of little reasons ranging from living on my own for the first time to my good grades to how I handled my father’s unexpected death.

6.  If you could relive (and make -over) a year of your life, what year would that be and why?  I’d go back to 2010, the year I thought I was done with yo-yo dieting forever – but clearly wasn’t.  Now I just need to think of every change I’d make that year and apply them in 2012!

7.  Is there a particular unusual ritual or routine you do in the exact same way absolutely everyday (something other than brushing your teeth, for example)? If so, what is it?  I unconsciously put my socks and shoes on one particular foot first almost all the time.  Do you?

8.  What is a talent you do not have but wish you did?  Singing.  No… dancing.  Okay, singing AND dancing.

9.  Build your ideal person. Fill in the blanks: I’d want the hair of Julianne Moore (because I’d look odd without red hair), the face of myself but infinitely prettier (because, much as I’d like to look different, I can’t imagine seeing someone else staring back at me from the mirror), the body of Halle Berry, the brains of Oprah, the sense of humor of Tina Fey, and the bank account of Bill Gates.

10.  What do you feel the worst thing is about trying to lose weight?  Oh, I could write a book about this.  Oh wait – I already have a blog:)    Maybe the worst thing is that after all these years of “dieting” and “lifestyle change,” I’m still struggling.

11.  What song best defines where you are in life right now?  A few days ago I was singing “Oops, I’ve done it again.”

 

And here are the questions from me for the bloggers tagged below:

1. What is the most memorable meal you ever ate?
2. What TV show(s) are you embarrassed to admit you watch?
3. Would you rather hire a trainer, chef, house cleaner, or personal shopper?
4. Share a favorite childhood memory.
5. What destination would you love to visit?
6. What’s one food you think you don’t like but you’ve never actually tried?
7. What modern technology that you didn’t grow up with could you now not live without?
8. List the 5 websites you visit most often.
9. Who would you like to meet (living, dead, fictional character, blogger, anyone…)?
10. What’s your favorite spot in your house and why?  Where in your house do you spend the most time?
11. How long on average does it take you to write a blog post?

 

And now… Tag – you’re it:

Deb @ Diet Schmiet

Ellen @ Fat Girl Wearing Thin

Jan @ Writing to Wellness

Jody @ Truth 2 Being Fit

Leslie @ Something Brilliant is Brewing

Marsial @ Eyes of the Sun

Michele @ Within Reach

Munchberry @ I’m Just Puffy

Patrick @ Responsibility 199

Sharon @ Gains and Losses: Life through Sharon’s Eyes

Teresa @ Today is a Good Day to Diet

 

Photo credit [rosieapples]